October=New+Me

Sitting @ the Victrola cafe in seattle experiencing one of the sexiest sandwiches I’ve ever eaten (if indeed that word can be used to describe a sandwich, i think it can) Apple, sharp cheddar, arugula, hot spiced honey, on wheat bread with almonds…along with a pickle WOW.  And I’m dancing a little cause I know I’m about to go out swing dancing and that just how it is, when I think…I DO. Well it’s October, the leaves are changing colors. It’s a change in season, and when the seasons change SHIFT Happens, yeah I meant to say that, “Shift.”*

New everything. Well almost everything.

I have a new job, playing lots of music, developing some awesome new friendships, writing and acting in a play, getting ready for NY…

Maybe you know it, but i have a thing for New York. I’ve had it since I was a little girl, and I am under the impression that it’s bigger than me, because I can’t get it out of me. No matter what I do, it’s there.  Every time I talk about New York and how I feel about performing and praying and singing and twirling in the context of my passion, I light up.

In fact the whole time i lived there just over a year and a half ago, i was lit up.

Last week I shared what I want to do there, and this middle aged christian guy said to me, “wow, when I heard you were into the idea of going to NY I had no idea what to expect, and I’m just soo thrilled to hear what Passion you have inside you about that place, I mean I’m so relieved it’s not just a carnal thing for you, it is you know, for a lot of people…” My sister introduced me that night, “this is my sister Breezy, she’s a missionary to New York…” I about fell off the couch, no one has ever said that. I HAVE–But no one else has ever said it. And that’s true, that’s what I do. Who I am. Jesus comes out of my life even when I’m not paying attention, because I’m in love with him.

I found out about that recently. When you’re in love with someone you are stupid excited about them, and you can’t even help talking about them constantly. I talk about New York and think about NY all the time, because it’s something he loves and tells me about, but it costs something to love Him there.

Just like I have always wanted my prince to say to me, “I’ll wait for you or follow you there…” HE says to me, “Wait for me on earth, or Follow me with abandon to where I am longing for the lost ones…IN THE CITY.” Cities don’t make any sense to who I am when you think about it. A girl who was called Anne of Green gables since she had long enough hair to put in wispy pig tails…who wore long flowy skirts just to be able to twirl at all times in fields, or any grassy patch found…the City???  Yes, that’s where I must be, because I have a song to sing to them there. I have to go and sing it. I will give up a few years of my 20’s and the chance to be done having my babies by 36 and the luxury of my family just down the street, and maybe the luxury of coffee out everyday, finishing my college degree now and doing what “normal” successful privileged kids do…And maybe no one will ever fully understand, and maybe I won’t change one single life, but i will go and sing none-the-less…and at the end of the day His heart will have a constant and broken lover in me.

So God, help me love you here now and there then, and in the meantime…live dangerously. I don’t want to swim in you unless I know there’s a risk of drowning, maybe i already have.

*shift

–verb (used with life)

1.	to put (something) aside and replace it by another or others; change or exchange: to shift friends; to shift ideas.

2.	to transfer from one place, position, person, etc., to another: to shift the blame onto someone else.

3.	Automotive. to change (gears) from one ratio or arrangement to another.

4.	Linguistics. to change in a systematic way, esp. phonetically