October=New+Me

Sitting @ the Victrola cafe in seattle experiencing one of the sexiest sandwiches I’ve ever eaten (if indeed that word can be used to describe a sandwich, i think it can) Apple, sharp cheddar, arugula, hot spiced honey, on wheat bread with almonds…along with a pickle WOW.  And I’m dancing a little cause I know I’m about to go out swing dancing and that just how it is, when I think…I DO. Well it’s October, the leaves are changing colors. It’s a change in season, and when the seasons change SHIFT Happens, yeah I meant to say that, “Shift.”*

New everything. Well almost everything.

I have a new job, playing lots of music, developing some awesome new friendships, writing and acting in a play, getting ready for NY…

Maybe you know it, but i have a thing for New York. I’ve had it since I was a little girl, and I am under the impression that it’s bigger than me, because I can’t get it out of me. No matter what I do, it’s there.  Every time I talk about New York and how I feel about performing and praying and singing and twirling in the context of my passion, I light up.

In fact the whole time i lived there just over a year and a half ago, i was lit up.

Last week I shared what I want to do there, and this middle aged christian guy said to me, “wow, when I heard you were into the idea of going to NY I had no idea what to expect, and I’m just soo thrilled to hear what Passion you have inside you about that place, I mean I’m so relieved it’s not just a carnal thing for you, it is you know, for a lot of people…” My sister introduced me that night, “this is my sister Breezy, she’s a missionary to New York…” I about fell off the couch, no one has ever said that. I HAVE–But no one else has ever said it. And that’s true, that’s what I do. Who I am. Jesus comes out of my life even when I’m not paying attention, because I’m in love with him.

I found out about that recently. When you’re in love with someone you are stupid excited about them, and you can’t even help talking about them constantly. I talk about New York and think about NY all the time, because it’s something he loves and tells me about, but it costs something to love Him there.

Just like I have always wanted my prince to say to me, “I’ll wait for you or follow you there…” HE says to me, “Wait for me on earth, or Follow me with abandon to where I am longing for the lost ones…IN THE CITY.” Cities don’t make any sense to who I am when you think about it. A girl who was called Anne of Green gables since she had long enough hair to put in wispy pig tails…who wore long flowy skirts just to be able to twirl at all times in fields, or any grassy patch found…the City???  Yes, that’s where I must be, because I have a song to sing to them there. I have to go and sing it. I will give up a few years of my 20’s and the chance to be done having my babies by 36 and the luxury of my family just down the street, and maybe the luxury of coffee out everyday, finishing my college degree now and doing what “normal” successful privileged kids do…And maybe no one will ever fully understand, and maybe I won’t change one single life, but i will go and sing none-the-less…and at the end of the day His heart will have a constant and broken lover in me.

So God, help me love you here now and there then, and in the meantime…live dangerously. I don’t want to swim in you unless I know there’s a risk of drowning, maybe i already have.

*shift

–verb (used with life)

1.	to put (something) aside and replace it by another or others; change or exchange: to shift friends; to shift ideas.

2.	to transfer from one place, position, person, etc., to another: to shift the blame onto someone else.

3.	Automotive. to change (gears) from one ratio or arrangement to another.

4.	Linguistics. to change in a systematic way, esp. phonetically

Like a Child

Late at night ponderings in Bellingham Thursday Aug 6th 2009…
Notes on several major run-in’s with beauty that actually deeply matters to me…

It’s been months since I’ve said anything to the general world about my state, and tonight I feel like I finally have a few slightly organized thoughts to express what it is that I would like to say so here goes, my friends who care to know what I think…

There’s been enough pain in the last few months to start to really “juice” me, and or bring out the gold, and the draus (love that part, hey?) the lovely, and the things that make me really humanly alive.

The most recent pain in my chest was the loss of my childhood friend Elisa, I have sat in on many family conversations, and even sat with her–alone in a room just us–for a couple hours while she danced before the throne, and I marveled that she was really gone, just a shell before me of what once was so bouncy and brimming with, “come on breezy let’s laugh, dance, and make otherwise total fools of ourselves together…” the kind of person you usually only meet once in a lifetime…

I have been thinking so much about what it is that needs to be aloud to SING in my life. Often being raised in an incredibly whole (relatively speaking)—(go! mom n’ dad almost 30 years) Family, with really deep values…It becomes really easy and almost “simpler” to become the“DON’T PEOPLE” we emphasize among many things, “guard you heart” and “cover your eyes” and I am passionate about those things, to the core. But often MY battle is the opposite. Now hear me out, don’t worry, I’m not becoming a stripper and I am not going to make out with the first guy I meet tomorrow morning! But–as such a protected and preserved “princess” of sorts, the truth of who I am–a reckless lover, abandoned worshiper, and previously named “freedom song” …is easily lost in the search for decorum, maturity, grace, discretion, guardedness, quietness, wisdom even– which are all qualities I deeply aspire to possess! But ah, the fight for me is thus, to know and live in a place where I am dead set on the HIGHEST and the best choice before me. Business or eternal relevance? Desire to please or conviction to tell the truth? Want to enjoy pleasure or give a little breath of it to those with none? No time for the present? Or no time LIKE it? I have had at least 5 important conversations lately with others along my way who have encouraged and challenged my posture on these issues of my heart’s urgent desire for intimate impact and vital meaning in all my fleeting moments laid out…and of all my conversations nothing drove it home more, than time spent around two different family sets of 3 children. One set contains two rambunctious, darling, dreaming boys, and my precious first baby niece–and the other is two more rambunctious brilliant boys with another coming to make it a delightful three! I love talking about “trust always, then bleed if it burns you to do it…” “Live now, not later” “Just jump” (thanks for jumping with me my Jonathan, wow 65 feet rocks! Holli, get in gear for the parachutes!) and even “what if you just totally hide away Breez, like a mysterious romantic whisper…and hold it all in–how DARING is that?” Thanks right on Daddy…YET nothing–no nothing, stirs TRUTH for me the way these little lovers do, by just “being” who they really are. Breanna Noel, the “realer than real actress”, becomes a total fraud around this kind of beautiful blatancy! From a sideways look of suspicion (which also doubles for flirting) upon meeting a new strange adult, to the ease of sharing my lap with two or three piled together for inclusion’s sake–or to the whales of injustice when “Zay-MINE!!!” is released because, “belong” doesn’t mean anything yet to the younger…and ahh to the wonder at a baby, which is still fresh 3months later, with each supposed “gentle” caress and kiss which usually (if un-supervised) becomes an accidental cry fest of suffocation. But what love is more real than the kind that is so consuming…he has to touch her, and kiss her, and totally lay on her frame to proclaim to the world, “this thing that I have just seen causes me to feel so totally immersed with excitement that I just have to show her by laying myself out (literally) to express my awe and fascination!? ” Poor Ayanna bears the brunt of this love and may sometimes need protective intervention—but she knows, and she always will know, her brothers are passionate about her!! They see color, shape, beauty or life in any way remotely appealing— and all out bellows are released proclaiming their inner experience, “Plane!! boat!! SKY! Helio-cop-kter!! Blue, green, red!!! BABY!!!!” and if I have any sense I will cry out with them, “Yes!! Wondrous and totally LIVING child! Life IS beautiful, GOD is LOVE! and All of it is WORTH it all!!” and I would jump into deep black waters just to feel the wet, and find the prize. I would climb to the top to see if there’s a bottom on the other side. I would run and look around the corner when I hear the sound, the sound of something “other than”. I would be like this little child. I would join their ranks, and believe in more than what I see with my naked and tired eyes. I wouldn’t worry about tomorrow, I would just be checking the boundaries and limits on what I can do today! I wouldn’t look to see if my smile or my cry was accepted by the surrounding audience, I would simply smile and wail. Yes, wisdom. Yes, heart guard. Yes, modest discretion. Lord have mercy on this daughter where I lack it all! But oh for the depths and heights, oh for the FULL!!! I live for this. And I can’t wait to be a mom, bound to truth everyday, like it or not! (Song, Alyssa, Ariel, Emily, Amber, and all–you are so daunting beautiful daring–brave!!!) I DO wait patiently and happily (I have a few more things to do first…) but certainly NOT passively!! I drink deeply of the stuff that Elisa knew of, and Jesus created at that wedding in Cana, not the temporal wine of drunkenness, but Life by the spirit-to the full, that blows me wherever it pleases, and here I am found–yes bleeding, yes hurting, yes crying, but all for joy, ALL for the Joy set before me.

So friends, this is my commitment and conclusion: I will not stop twirling everyday, especially if it’s raining. If you offer me a precipice to jump off into water depths of grace I WILL DIVE. I will always stop and ask the elderly woman, “what wisdom for today?” I will not stop striking up a conversation with the med-tech, or the grocery clerk, or the hard core dirty junkie who needs 5 bucks for the bus (they do sometimes you know!) or even a light for his cigarette, the homeless blue-eyed photographer, or the single mom expecting number 2, or especially and most dearly importantly of all…the precious little child who offers me the world of wisdom and truth with one look, cry, laugh, dance, kiss, or one “i love you” effortlessly given…This is no sacrifice, this is my life poured out for someone else–if only I were truly that noble–that alive and SPENT. That would be a life worth living, and paying full price for. I want to pay it, I desire to give it, I will not repent of my desperate desire to gain it. The world can keep it’s fear and hidden-ness in wealth and false comfort, I’ll take the blade, the rain, and the storm full in the face to feel his smile just for a moment upon my naked love. Besides, He sleeps in the belly of the boat in perfect peace, because he holds the pen to this love story’s end. And I–even I– get to say a verse.

Heart Naked. Eyes Open.
Always,

Breanna Noel
Breez

Ps~Thank you Gabriel, Issac, and baby Levi…and Levi, Zay and Ayanna, and the parental units
thereof, more “ministry” happens through your tiny “olive shoots” than your lifetime of comprehension will ever grasp!!!

A few related Scriptures that I loosely reference above and yet meditate on…
Matt 26:6-13 Abandon
John 3;8 Breez of the spirit
Ps 147:18 Just a stirred up breez…
John 2 Water into wine
Philippians 2 What it looks like to live it…
Heb 2:14-20 price of freedom…
Matt 11:25 to little ones revealed…
Matt 18;1-9 more children…
Matt 25:31-45 Least of these
Matt 24:36-50 Maybe it IS my last day…
Hebrew 12:1-4 Joy set before him…

Effective.

Amazing is our God, amen? It’s been such an incredible week thus far, full of excitement for the last two weeks of this crazy ride I’ve been on. Every school I liken to one of Paul’s churches in the epistles, each with it’s own needs and challenges, fears and victories. Yesterday we were at Rossenberg and it stood out to me, however I find whenever I really invest into a school with prayer before I arrive, the fruits are always more memorable. After the 2nd show I sat at the end of the show Angel, a beautiful slender blonde, in an olive green pull over, little glasses, and her hair loosly pulled into a low ponytail, came up to me with moist eyes she said, “That show really affected me a lot. That’s my life. I have really low self esteem, I get picked on and made fun of all the time, because of how I look, and how I act. I hate it I am tired of always feeling wrong about myself…” I interrupted her, “What’s your name?” “Angel,” she said, “Well, Angel you are an Angel. That’s ridiculous! There is nothing wrong with you. You are so beautiful, do you know that? I’m so sorry people have lied to you about who you are.” She was struggling to keep her composure, “And I always break down if someone tries to hurt me or even when they compliment me, but today I’ve decided I am going to change, I’m not going to let others tell me how I need to be, I’m going to be like the guy talked about in the video, and not let other people tell me who I am. I’m going to be myself.” I was amazed that after seeing a one hour presentation, she was prepared to change not only how she responds to others, but also how she views herself on the inside. And I got to talk to her! After I finished my conversation, I went out of the auditorium into the green room to meet a large stack of spiral notebooks from the middle school group, the choir teacher had set them there for us to read, and tears welled up in my eyes as I began to read the responses of the kids to our show. Journal after journal things they would never say out loud, “I relate to this character because, I am bullied, I have problems with my dad and mom at home. I relate to the pressure this character felt, the pain this one experienced…I’m ignored, rejected, left out, hopeless, hurting…” Literal descriptions of what they felt and experienced, “My mom is in jail so I get picked on about that all the time, and I have no friends…” Then the thing that really surprised me was what else they wrote. “What the Janitor [our “Jesus” character in the show, who sees everything they go through, and gives “God advice”] said was really good advice, I want to just be myself and not let other people tell me how I need to be…I want to try harder but not get pressured by other people and situations to do well, like the jock. I want to be more careful about what I say to other people and not hurt them anymore. I realized when I was watching the guy at the end, that I can make a difference…” It blew my mind! It was like everything we hope would come out of the show, how we would want the kids to respond was there on paper. They asked questions of themselves and why things had evolved in there lives the way they had. What a gift for me to get to peer into their inner hearts. I love what I do folks, and it’s making a powerful impact on this generation!! Last week alone four school shootings occurred in the United States in Northern Illinois, Southern California, Memphis Tennessee, and Baton Rouge Louisiana. The effect it had on our team is somewhat different than the general public, because this is why we do what we do. I grieve and am still in mourning for the ones who lost their lives and even more the families who are missing pieces of their hearts. Being in this show and part of this ministry causes you to totally return to sensitivity about these issues, where so often we are numb to the violent and Godless events of our day. Yet, we scream with our lives, you can not ignore these terrible atrocities, right on our public schools!!! I used to think I was the only one who really sobbed at night for these people, the only young girl still in early teens, who was desperate when I saw the papers and the news as shootings became more and more common place. Ever since Columbine happened I knew I would do something to stop it, someday. I had no idea it would involve the arts, or New York, but ever since that awful day, I followed the school shooting stats, and longed to see a change, and now I am the change with my team and yesterday we were invited to the National Bullying Convention to be held in Indianapolis Indiana in November!! This is a big deal!!! I am so excited to be part of this!! 
 
Last night we had an incredible and tearful time of thanksgiving prayer reading scripture, praising the Lord, and recognizing all He fulfilled and surprised us with, for all His grace and abundant blessings on our team and in our family style relationships, I am so Blessed by all I have gained from these 40 people who have become part of my life forever whether I see them again or not, their names will always be written on my heart!! 
 
We now have only 4 more school days until we drive back to NY for a week of debriefing, and then off to Kansas city and Seattle!! I am sooo looking forward to seeing each of you and sharing more of what God has been up to over here!! And I can’t wait to catch up with you guys!! To all of you who have responded to my updates with encouragement and prayer requests thanks so much for keeping me in the loop, and valuing our relationship to the point of communication!!! Even in the midst of busy lives I am honored to be counted your friend and prayer support!! I love you all!! 
 
Phillipians 1 
3I thank my God every time I remember you. 4In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 
 
 7It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. 8God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. 
 
 9And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, 11filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. 
 
Because He is worthy, 
 
Breanna Noel Wilson 

Christmas time is here!!!

Yay!! Here I am with several of my favorite people (other missionaries in YWAM) in front of the Rockerfeller Center in NYC! The lights are lit, it’s time to celebrate everyone!!! I also got to see set within the beauty of Saint Patricks Cathedral a life size version of the nativity scene I grew up with in my beautifu home, I was moved to tears because I am so homesick for the wonder of christmas in the Northwest, and the nearness of my precious family, but seeing it in person was like a special pre-christmas gift from Jesus!! We also got to wittness the perposal to our school director Kelsey Smith (so talented and only 24 years old!), from her longtime sweetheart Johnny Koslowski!! He asked her on the ice next in front of the Rockerfeller center, after he prearanged having the ice cleared and their special song played (crashing cars, by snow patrol) the whole Mission center got to be there and throw roses on the ice to surprise the bride to be!

Congratulations, what an effective couple they’ll be!

DTS Yes!!! (a minute in my discipleship…)

What it is! DTS=Dicipleship Training school. YWAM=Youth With a Mission

Click this to see a video of our producton promo!!!

I am a missionary, training to reach the youth in America to Know Jesus intimately and make him known!

I miss all of you all the time so I thought I could invite you to come over! I would like to invite you to take a minute and peek into my life here in New York at the Missions center I am currently working and learning at in New York! Here is a picture by picture story of what I do and what I am learning! Enjoy dear friends and family!

I try to spend as much time as I can in the city, one of my favorite places in the world…

The hang out foyer at the YWAM missions base, a lot of talking and relaxing happens here in our very little down time! here I am with my Australian friend Ange!

Sometimes we get a little crazy!! Jumpin’ around in the girls dorm room with my dear friend Jacqui!

Every week we spend at least 15 hours in lecture with incredible missionary speakers from all over the world, this is a picture with Wick and Jan Nease they have been in YWAM ministering for over 20 years and they began Streams of Mercy a ministry for Orphan and poor children in third world countries. They taught on Destiny and God’s heart for missions, what an incredible couple!!

Worship Nights!! We have these periodically over the course of the month, a time to really press into the Lord as a family and focus on him alone. These times really build the unity of our team! Our school is all about missions and performing arts so worship is a very creative experience here! The leaders always make the room really beautiful and Christ centered to help us focus in on Jesus, often with places to dance, read the word, take communion, journal, or just sit in his presence.

I get to play cello for worship I love that!

One day during our prayer time we all were asked to draw pictures and write scriptures relating to our personal Destiny and Calling…

We are also required to do creative journaling every week about the teaching that week and personal growth in the Lord.

Student lead worship is also a weekly thing, here I am leading with my friend Lizzy, yea I really did play the piano a bit!!

We also have weekly rehearsals of the production we are preparing for our two month US missions trip No More Victims.

I play one of the popular girls, and I sing in the band!

Here I am with the other popular girls in the middle right of this pic!

Small groups~ we meet with a small group of the students weekly to build relationship and share what we are learning. Here is a picture of me and all the girls in the group including our two leaders: Katie Haliday and Taryn Wolfe

Back: Katie, Rose, Me, Karie, and Ange. Front: Taryn, Ali, and Elizabeth.

East Coast Conference in North Carolina! November 11-16 We went on a road trip as a school and all the staff to the YWAM East Coast DNA Conference, what an amazing time that was! We even got to have Loren and Darling Cunningham (founders of YWAM in 1968) as the Key Note speakers at the conference!

Host homes~while we are on outreach in Indiana we will live in host homes from town to town, while we were driving across 5 states to go to the conference we had a taste of this experience, I stayed with the Sayles’ and they were so lovely to me and the other 4 girls that stayed with us, what a wonderful blessing is the body of Christ!

This is me with David Hamilton one of YWAM’s most known and respected leaders, he co-authored the book Why not Women and he also spoke several times at the conference, he is incredibly gifted and an absolute genius leader and innovator in missions! One night he got a group of about 60 of us together and we read the entire book of Mark aloud together, wow it was fun!!

Me and an old friend from Seattle! Heidi is living at the YWAM base in Orlando Florida!

Getting to see Loren Cunningham rite after reading his book, Is that Really you God?, and working with this ministry since I was 10 years old was such an incredible experience. One of the nights at the conference he went through the entire bible book (old and new testaments) by book, telling where Jesus fits in to each book of the Word, and how Jesus is the word, so it’s vital as Christians that we love and know the bible!

Here is Loren with my YWAM New York Director and his wife, Nick and Rozzane Savoka. They have known each other for years! I really love Nick and Rozzane too, they have loved on me so much throughout my training here, they also drove me home to New York from the conference with them a day early, because I had to catch a flight to Mexico, and the rest of the people from the New York base weren’t leaving until the next day, so that was quite a special experience on the way home!

Thanks so much for taking time to see a glimpse of my life over here, and know that I so appreciate your prayers and support! I love you all have a wonderful day in the Lord!

Ola from Mexico! My lovely Thanksgiving Break!!!

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Moments in Manhattan

I got to spend the day with my lbf and her boy friend, Clarissa Cody!!! How I love her!!!

It’s so good to be back!!!

Wisdom Teeth and and a Wedding!

Here I am on Vashon with my dear friend Lindsey…

Me and my amazing Daddy!!

Christine Brakke my best friend came over to Vashon and spent three days with me for our special Vaccation.

Christine and I at Grandma Marilynn’s house!!

The Saturday market…

At the point Robbinson light house again, our special spot!

I always cut hair when I’m home in Washington!

Christine’s Siblings, David, Cathrine, Christine, Me, Andrew

Christine’s mom Sherri

My brother Jonathan and I before we went swing dancin’!!

While I was home for 10 days my cousin Alyssa got married, of couse I did all the hair! She looked gorgeous!!

Last Moments in Jerusalem

One more walk

one more look at the blue and white and olive….

One more coffee, casual, comfortable conversation…

Packing my life again….

Off to Tel Aviv for my first ever Jewish wedding!!!

Goodbye beautiful Tel Aviv beaches and waves of life…

Memories are like water, to all-consuming and numerous to catergorize….

It’s alright I soaked it all in !

I’ll never Forget!!!!

z